I'm writing to you today, snuggled up on my parent's couch. I slept in my childhood bedroom last night and will be living out of a suitcase for the next month.
All of our worldly possessions are stacked high in my in-laws' garage and we are settling in to our new normal while the Universe does its good work in the background.
I didn't plan this.
In my preparation for this move and for buying our dream home, my visioning and manifesting practices didn't include selling our home without another home to move in to.
The stress and drama of swapping lenders last week (while already under agreement), paying for a second appraisal and getting on the phone with the seller's agent to share my passionate plea to "work with us" wasn't something I planned for either.
Yet, all of that happened and it happened fast.
It left us no choice but to react and trust and tell the truth with the parties we had commissioned to help us make this happen.
I have had no choice but to lean back and let go....over and over again.
During a client meeting yesterday, I spotted an email come through from our lender with the words "call me" in the subject line.
I felt my heart race and my stomach clench in to knots, anticipating what he might say.
After my meeting wrapped, I raced to the car to call him back.
I took a deep breath and centered myself...allowing whatever the response to be...one I could accept as the right one.
And the first words out of his mouth were that he wanted to call me directly to tell me the great news.
Everything checked out. We were on target and could be in as soon as next week.
I cried after we hung up and sat there gripping the steering wheel, feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and love....tears washing down my cheeks as I thought of the friends and family that have held space for me in this trying experience.
The weight of the move, the exhaustion, the emotion of saying goodbye to our old home and friends, as well as the energy it took to mentally prepare for bad news....finally released.
And just like that, this visceral, powerful vision I had been rehearsing and feeling over and over in my brain for the last 6 years (yes, we have been waiting for this very home for the last 6 years), clicked in to place.
For the very first time, my dream felt like reality.
We're going home.
And even without the physical space of a home...I've found my home in the presence of my family....and the loving outreach of a friend asking how things were going...I've found it in a home-cooked meal my mom made for us and her offer to take over bedtime for the night so I could just relax.
I've found it in letting go of my need to control every, single aspect of my life, from my client's experiences in working with me to my daughter's process of growing up and finding her own independence.
I've found it in realizing that I don't actually have to do every, single thing on my own all the time.
I've learned that the moment we lean in to the conviction of our desires...and simultaneously let the whole thing go...is the moment where everything shifts.
Once we have the courage to declare our desires to the Universe, God, Buddha, whatever your belief system dictates, our next and only responsibility is to commit to the faith and Titanium Trust™ to believe that the wheels are now, officially, in motion.
Because the truth is...
"Man can only receive what he sees himself receiving."
- Florence Scovel Schinn
Things have dipped in to straight up hopelessness during this process for me. I'm not proud to admit that I began to lose my faith and even play the blame game.
I started to live outside of myself, until I remembered that I am truly the creator of my own reality.
No matter where I lay my head at night, and whom I spend my time with, I am the one who gets to decide how I show up in my life.
I am the only one who can hold the vision and share it to inspire others to believe in it too.
Once the Universe is conspiring in my favor (which it always is), my chief responsibility is to get out of the way to allow it to actually happen!
What a revelation!
Like the good old farmer who plants his crop. He doesn't sit outside in a chair painstakingly watching the corn grow, asking it when it's going to be ready. He moves forward and busies himself with other tasks and duties in his life and before he knows it, he's ready to harvest his magical corn.
Because corn and dream homes and dream clients are all products of the magic we all have available to us at any moment.
What are you asking the Universe to put in to motion for you? How are you blocking its flow with your constant worry and anxiety?
"We must substitute faith for fear, for fear is only inverted faith; it is faith in evil instead of good" - Florence Scovel Schinn
Big Love to you and your dreams.
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