There’s a conversation I’ve been meaning to have with you.
I'm coming in hot over here because..
I see your potential.
I see what’s possible for you.
I see how magical your vision truly is and how firmly it’s planted inside of your soul.
And I also see you making this heartbreaking excuse and if I don't say something about it, I'm flat out not doing my job.
I see you giving your power away in the most innocent way...in a way that seems like you're doing it for love, but what lives on the other side is *you* ...feeling defeated, helpless, hopeless...and writing a story that isn't yours.
I help women (mamas, wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters) change the world with their work.
I help them manifest their real life dreams and make a gorgeous, rippling impact on their little corner of the Universe for themselves, their families, their neighbors and whomever their beautiful hearts touch.
And over these last 3 1/2 years, I have lost track of the number of incredible women I’ve had the gift of speaking with who use the same exact excuse as to why they can’t step forward on the pathway to their big dreams.
We dig in together, she cracks open….sharing what’s next and how ready she is for her biggest leap yet and then those classic (tired) words come out of her mouth:
“I reeealllllllyyyyyyy want to do this.....I just need to ask my husband/wife (partner/spouse/girl-boyfriend) if I can.”
(Is there an opposite to the #MicDrop?)
I want to make something crystal clear::
I am all about co-creating our lives with our partners and spouses.
I understand how important it is to make decisions as a unit that betters the both of us.
Ben and I absolutely-without-a-doubt discuss every significant spend either of us wants to make and evaluate if we’re ready or not collectively and individually.
There has not been a coaching investment or program either of us has signed up for that we have ever not shared with one another before we make the commitment.
But, never once, has that conversation looked like a request for a permission slip.
And here's why...
We do NOT need to ask permission to live our own lives.
When we ask for permission, we are, in effect, putting our dreams and our power in to the hands of someone else AND giving the blame to them right along with it.
We are hiding from the truth.
Because you and I both know that it’s our fear that leads to those words, not our big dreams, nor our co-creative and open connection with our partners.
And while we're at it, let's dip in to the grab bag for a few more doozies that come from this same flavor of fear:
"I can’t do it because I’m a mother..." (palm to forehead) OR..."My partner is too stressed about the finances. They don’t see the value in it so I can’t do it."
Insert any excuse you’ve got that gives your power to OWN your choices to someone else- someone you love.
Have you ever found yourself doing this?
If your answer is yes...it's ok.
Our fear is the least original thing about us!
We've all got it.
But not all of us OWN the truth of our fear.
And until we can OWN it...we will continue to swirl around in Stucksville, placing the blame on the people we love.
Yipes, how's that for some real talk?
So here's a sparkly gift you can give to yourself this holiday season:
I invite you to call yourself out on this.
Where do you find yourself blaming someone else for a decision that you’re truly just fearful of making?
And when you feel those old, familiar words about to leave your lips...I ask you to do any of these 3 things:
- Own it. Own that you don’t feel like it’s a good fit, or that you don’t feel ready. Tell the truth about why you’re saying “no” to the opportunity instead of discharging blame on someone else.
- Rewrite the script. Instead of saying, “I need to ask for permission,” say “I am really excited about this opportunity and I need to have a conversation with my partner to see how we can make this happen.
- Bet on yourself. Let your faith in the magic of your vision be bigger than the fear that holds you back. Take your power back into your own hands and make the decision that’s best for you- no matter what that is - and then get ready to receive all the gifts that come barreling towards you when you get super clear with your intentions.
You do not need permission to shine.
You do not need permission to have the opportunity to make your dreams come true.
You do not need permission to show up as brilliant and brave Brand YOU.
Own your power, sister. Embrace it. Step in to it.
Let’s watch those fireworks together.