How to ask yourself better questions

The quality of our life experience is directly connected with the questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis.

If the question sounds something like, "Why can't I get anything right?" or "When will I be good enough to achieve the goals I have set for myself?" we are presupposing that we don't get anything right and that we are not already worthy of our goals.

At the Date with Destiny event I attended two weeks ago with my most favorite mentor, Tony Robbins, I zeroed in on the age-old question I had been asking myself repeatedly day after day.

The one that plagued me and stood firmly planted in the way of my big dreams. 

As I listened to Tony talk about our primary questions and the role they play in limiting us, it became abundantly clear to me (palm to face moment) that this question lived at the very root of my greatest life challenge and if I didn't find a way to change it, I would continue to battle myself in pursuit of my goals. 

I've had a self-love problem for just about all the days of my life.

I walked around achieving for the sake of proving to everyone else and myself that somehow through ticking boxes off the life to do list or by earning big, flashy titles I would suddenly feel worthy of love. 

While I have been working on this for years, it was not until I sat down to rewrite my "primary question" that I was able to finally presuppose and click in on the fact that I AM worthy of receiving my own love and the unconditional love of others...simply because I AM LOVE.

My primary question transformation looked like this:

OLD: How can I be, do, feel, become enough to receive unconditional love from others and myself?

NEW: How can I appreciate and embrace, even more, the love emanating from within me right now and always?

Do you see the subtle difference there?

In the new question I am stating it as a blatant FACT....and that fact is that love is within me and always has been; there is no sense of scarcity or lack or of being outside of myself.

This powerful nuance is the freedom I have been waiting for. What an incredible gift!

Now it's your turn.

What question do you find yourself asking over and over again that points to a feeling of lack or perpetual disappointment? 

Write it down and then write out your NEW question.

How can you ask yourself a question that affirms the TRUTH every single time you ask it? 

How can you ask yourself a question that serves as a signal to go inward and to find gratitude for all that is available to you right here and now?

I would love to hear about what you discover in this process...

Share it in the comments below and tell us what it felt like to go through this exercise.


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Amber Lilyestrom

Amber Lilyestrom is a soul-based branding & business coach, writer and motivational speaker. Amber currently coaches new and established entrepreneurs in creating strategies to transform their brands and businesses. She also works with individuals who want to leave their current careers and launch their big idea. From idea conception to the construction of the business and all of its digital assets, Amber assists new entrepreneurs in making “the big leap.”