No one told me that entrepreneurship was going to be a personal development firehose.
Over the last 3 years, I've come toe-to-toe with every.single.one. of the areas in my inner world that needed some mega-TLC, over and over again.
My perfectionist tendencies, monster-sized fear of failure, tendency to want to control all of the things in my life and each of the other biggies fell out of the giant backpack I'd strapped on to do life with.
One of the biggest of the bigs has been my total aversion for asking for help.
And when I became a mama, it became abundantly clear in record time that there was zero chance I could continue this pattern.
Carrying around the weight of the world and the impact it had on my energy and soul was no longer about me.
And I quickly realized that parenting and birthing a business baby would also require a major upgrade in the help department.
So I called in the big guns and pulled back the curtain on what was really going on with my fear about letting others in to pitch in.
I broke out the microscope to zoom on in with what was keeping me locked in my own proverbial solitary confinement and I started slowly, but surely, hatching the little egg of collaboration, teamwork and soul fueled support.
I ditched the solopreneur status and traded up for a team of soul sisters that give me wings.
I realized that I was not alone on this island and I decided to jot down some of the biggest takeaways from this transformational experience with you.
Here are the top 5 gems I've learned (and cherished) in this sacred asking for help process:
1. We release the dysfunctional pursuit of perfection:
The truth is, most of us are terrified of looking less than perfect (hello, Instagram).
If we hand over the keys to someone who is better than us at a given task, we might risk looking like we can't do it all.
But here's the thing...we can't.
By bringing in people who are certifiably better than us at particular tasks inside our businesses and lives, we not only free ourselves of the need to try to do everything, but we give the gift of expansion, growth and abundance to others, too.
Asking for help is a blessing to the life of another and, most of all, to you.
Inspired Action: When you think about giving up control of the things that drain your energy, what sort of resistance comes up?
2. We contribute to the reprogramming of society:
This one runs deep in the way our world operates. In my corporate job, budgets were lean and it was a cultural expectation that we would earn the bootstrap badge of honor.
And, let me tell you, I wore it with pride.
From designing the majority of the department's graphics (self-taught, naturally), occasionally wearing the mascot suit, shooting t-shirt cannons in to the crowd, sitting in executive and corporate sponsorship meetings and grabbing the mic when the anthem singer called in sick...sister friend did it all.
It becomes our identity and it's near impossible to shake when our orientation around self-worth is wrapped up in a giant list of tasks and responsibilities.
Inspired Action: What deeply programmed ways of operating are you perpetuating in your life + biz? Who are you working so hard to prove yourself to?
3. We end suffering.
This felt really strange to admit at first, but the truth is...the ego gets an almost perverse sense of satisfaction in witnessing the self-fulfilling prophecy of the notion that never being 'enough' play out in real life.
Our deep-seated belief about ourselves...the really toxic ones about how we're not enough and how we'll never be enough...are reinforced when we tell ourselves it is our job to do it all.
Our culture has trained us to believe that suffering is a natural way of life (have you ever watched the news?).
So if we subconsciously subscribe to martyrdom, we tick the box on perpetuating what often becomes our identity.
But here's the thing...suffering is optional.
It's a choice, just like reaching out a hand and asking for help is.
Inspired Action: Can you identify areas where your inability to ask for help is perpetuating needless suffering?
4. We free ourselves from the grip of overwhelm.
I know, this one felt super counterintuitive at first.
The physical act of getting enough head space to delegate is no joke...but it makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Just like teaching our kids how to use the potty and put on their own shoes is life-altering!
The same goes with our virtual assistants, interns and support team.
Explaining how to update a blog post or send an email newsletter out one time wins over having to do it ourselves over and over and over again...doesn't it?
It also opens up to receiving more abundance in the way of love and support from others...there is no price tag for what that feels like.
Inspired Action: Where could you give up something that is soul sucking to make space for more of what lights you up?
5. We have WAY MORE FUN.
Collaboration is where it's at.
Soul sisterhood is one of the single greatest gifts to my life AND business.
Doing this thing with people who have (bravely) gone forth to create a non-traditional mode and model of living makes me feel less alone.
And it transcends the nuts and bolts of the work we're doing in our businesses.
This connection is on a soul-level.
There's an electricity between people who have decided to go for it...to craft an existence that makes space for the complexities that this life offers us.
Inspired Action: Whose work do you admire? Who, in your circle, do you know could help you? Set a coffee date. Dream together and watch what happens next.
I am beyond overjoyed to share that we're less than a month in to 2017 and I've already added to my team and called in a support team that is, arm-in-arm, helping me step up in to the fullness of where I want to go. It's an on-going process of witnessing this human experiment I call my life and I am so honored to get to share it with you.
Now it's your turn:
- What are some areas in your life and business where you could be asking for more help?
- Where could you shift from superwoman to giving someone else the gift of serving and supporting you?
- What are some of your help-resistant patterns and how could you make some shifts to reprogram them, starting now?
How can I help you?
Comment below if there are topic areas where you could really use some support.
Don't be shy...the first step is having the courage to ask.
I see you.
I'm with you.
Let's do this thing.
I am re-sharing an encore presentation of my epic Soul Fueled CEO™ podcast episode Mel Robbins, best-selling author, CNN commentator and the busiest female motivational speaker in the world. This is my most listened to episode to date and we recorded it last summer. Mel asked for the recording before it went live to use parts of it for her latest book The 5-Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work and Confidence with Everyday Courage. Do yourself a favor and listen to this one.